I've been through two fairly intensely emotional relationships. Both of these people that I was involved with were outspoken and quite dominant in their opinions. At the time, I sank into submission and would often quash my feelings out with that's not the right thing.
I have a thing for men's hankies. I love them, I want them as part of my identity, the way I dress.
Both of these people thought that they were disgusting and inappropriate. Inappropriate because they weren't feminine. Disgusting because they were germ-laden terrible things.
I think they're sauve. I think they beat the arse out of a tissue because you can wash it and use it again. And if you forget that it's in your jeans pocket and wash it, you don't totally stuff the entire rest of the washing load.
I got shot down by these characters in my life who held such a power over me. Then about a year ago, I was spending time with a couple who happened to be my first real lesbian friends. I was in pieces. I was still dealing with the breakup of the last relationship and this couple were being fantastic, so supportive. I was crying - which I hate to admit in public,but this is a blog - and my friend disappeared, and came out with a hanky for me. A man hanky. I was literally stunned. This woman used man hankies. How did she get away with that? I never had!
A world was starting to open up for me where I could answer my own thoughts with yeah, if you want to do that. It's okay.
10 comments:
fantastic! looking forward to your continued explorations of all this complex gender stuff.
I feel ya on the hankies. terribly un-ladylike, and so suave. I want some of my own, monogrammed with my initials. maybe that way it's a combination of needlepoint (traditionally women's work) and masculinity. I like the bridging of the two, the places where they meet.
and isn't it strange how much our communities police us? how hard it is to be celebrated from within the communities that are supposed to be our allies? the hurt runs deeper there, I think, because they are supposed to understand us.
plus, the whole of the butch/femme roles are so rejected in the mainstream/majority queer communities I think. I'm curious about what it's like where you live - you're in Australia aren't you? what's the scene like there? fascinating.
anyway, welcome! looking forward to your writings.
Hmm... I spent way too many years hiding my opinions in a couple of different relationships as well.
Fortunately, I popped out the other side and have found someone who lets me be exactly who I am.
It makes me wonder how I lived all those years like that.
Oh, and my grandpa used to carry a hankie in his pocket all the time. I love a real fabric hankie, especially when it pops out of a beautiful butch's pocket!
hummmm, you started this particular blog on my birthday...
just some useless trivia for you...
I hope you write more... I will peek in from time to time to check.
Thank you for such kind words of encouragement about my battle with certain personal demons I carry.
Its nice to see you back!
oxox
nina
Well done for starting this blog, Vic, I think the topic has legs. Whether they're rugged and hairy or waxed smooth and shapely, I'm not sure, but do keep posting! P
hey, I am a femme from Melbourne. All my ex's have uses man hankies, I think it's suave too, and it kills me when they bring one out to wipe my tears.
I'm excited to read more of your blog!
Lina x
I love this post, Vic.
Any plans to come back here and write more?
This blog will be interesting to follow. I'm neither femme nor butch myself (unless you as my male gay friends, then I'm butch =p). But I still find the whole gender identity thing interesting.
Not sure what people's hangups are with masculine vs feminine roles. People are people and you do what's right for you. No-one has the right to force their viewpoint on someone else. =(
Good-luck and strength to ya matey =)
PS I think hankies are suave too, not to mention better for the environment as well as the washing machine. =) Maybe I should start using one too.
Are you kidding? Handkerchiefs are "the whip" (to use an old American expression). I started lovin em when I was like 9. Lol used to steal my greatgrandpa's that my grandma had kept as suvenirs of him. Bought the initialed ones in the 80's. Yeah, I'm an older dyke. Handkerchief's, cufflinks, even walking canes in extreme formal situations -all marks of the debonair butch. Buy em.
From Mme Benaut.
Vic, when my father died, I kept all of his hankies. You can't beat a man's hankie when you're in the snow and all of the tissues fall apart. I'm a straight married lady but I love using men's hankies and no-one has ever openly criticised me for it. Practicality rules!
Life is too short to not live your own, so let the life you lead reflect who YOU are, not who you are with.
Good luck in all you do, and may this and everyday forward find you with a hankie.
PS.
I found it endearing that you call hankerchiefs 'hankies'. That is what my grandmother called them, and I have not heard the word since she died. I spoke it out load when I read this & thought of her. Thanks for that.
--Manda
www.myspace.com/somethings_got_2give
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